Damn Regret
by Cold Flame96
Summary: Spoilers for 4x14. Kurt is back in New York 3 weeks later, on a date with Adam, but he ends up spilling everything about what happened with him and Blaine at the wedding and his feelings about it. Just a reaction fic to the 'I Do' episode and a mini rant Author's Note inside to amuse you. Read at your own risk. Actually, risk or not, you should read it anyway.


**Damn Regret**

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Author's_ Note~ Okay, so this is the 2nd Glee fic I've written. I wanted to get it up before 4.15 premiere (premier or premiere? i'm clinically insane.) aired because I didn't want it to be jossed. I barely made it. Yippee! And instead of Klaine, like my previous story, this is...wait for it...Kadam! Yes, I like Adam. And I found it incredibly amusing how all the Klaine shippers wanted his hide when they first heard about him, but were immediately charmed. It must've been the accent. ;) (Note: British accents are sexy. See Harry Potter and Doctor Who.) _

_As for my thoughts on Klaine at the moment: There will be a monologue at the bottom of the page. Read at your own risk. _

_Warnings: Um, I shouldn't have to. They have ratings for a reason, kiddies. You don't like it, don't read it. _

_Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, Tina would be the female lead like she was supposed to be (remember that writers?) and Marley would fade into the background and be forgotten.(I like Melissa, but I hate Marley. PM me for thoughts on that.) Also, more Ryder! I love that child! His natural acting and expressions are amazing! _

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"So, would you like to do this again next week?" Adam asked excitedly, "Or, if you want, we could make it official." He added shyly. "Only if you want to, though," he clarified, "There's no rush."

Kurt's heart fluttered a bit. His tenderness reminded him of Blaine- no dammit, Kurt. Stop thinking about him! You're on a date with a hot, sweet, older guy. You shouldn't be thinking about _ex_-boyfriends. There's a reason for the _ex._ Stupid Blaine and his stupid hazel eyes penetrating his brain. He must be tired. Yeah, that's it. Why else would he be thinking about his boyf-no _ex_-boyfriend. Don't forget the ex, Kurt. It doesn't matter what happened over the weekend. It's not like you want to get back together. He broke your heart.

-urt? Kurt?" Kurt snapped out of his trance.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?" he tried to ask nonchalantly. Adam smirked, clearly amused.

"I wasn't saying anything, but you spaced out on me," he said and Kurt will happily admit that he finds that accent ridiculously sexy no matter how many times he hears it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah!" Kurt squeaked. He bit his lip nervously. "Actually…no." He admitted.

"What's wrong?" Adam asked, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. "Was I too forward? We can go as slow as you want to," he assured. Kurt's stomach clenched with guilt.

"No," he said quietly, "that's not it." Adam gave him a quizzical look, silently asking him to explain. He started wringing his hands. What would he think? Would he think he's a terrible person?

"What is it?" Adam asked sweetly. Damn, why can't this guy be a jerk or something? It would make this so much easier.

"I…I shouldn't have done this." He whispered regretfully. Adam's face went from curious to hurt to confused.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked calmly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"No! You've done nothing wrong! It's not your fault. You've been amazing. Perfect, actually. I really like you and-"

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"You're rambling," he chuckled.

"Sorry," he ducked his head sheepishly.

"It's all right. I thought it was adorable."

"Thanks," Kurt said shyly, his face starting to heat up.

"Now," Adam said, putting his hands on Kurt's shoulders and steering him towards a nearby bench. "Let's try this again. Explain to me slowly what's going through your otherworldly mind." Kurt inwardly braced himself. He had to handle this delicately. Adam was one of the nicest people he'd ever met, but he didn't yet know him well enough to determine how he'd react.

"I just…I feel like you deserve better," he said vaguely. Adam remained silent.

"You know," he drawled, "I've noticed a recurring theme with you. I caught on to it when I first met you." Well, that wasn't the response he had been expecting.

"What would that be?" he asked warily.

"You are constantly selling yourself short. You don't accept compliments the first time through and you brush off any accomplishments without acknowledging your own talent to earn them. At first, I thought you were just being modest, but now it just seems that you're so used to being torn down by other people that you started to agree with them." Kurt willed himself not to flinch. That hit a little close to him. He would be the first to admit that he wasn't as confident as he portrayed. He had been rejected by his dream school and gotten his heart broken. He got bitch-slapped by a big stick with the words 'cruel reality' on them, and it sucked. God, did it suck.

"You wouldn't be wrong," he choked out. Adam narrowed his eyes.

"I'm gonna ask you something, but I need you to promise ahead of time that you won't take it the wrong way." Uh oh. That didn't sound good. He nodded hesitantly.

"Is your ex one of the people who tried to make you feel as if you weren't good enough?" he asked gently. Kurt immediately felt his hackles rise.

"Absolutely not!" he said instantaneously, a steely glint in his eyes, "Blaine may have been a spotlight hog, but he was one of the few people in my life who took my crap. I was miserable before I met him!"

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course!" Kurt answered easily. "He wasn't just the hot guy I dated. He was so much more than that. He was my best friend, and my first love. Whether we're broken up or together, he'll always have a place in my life if he wants it."

"I see. I'm happy for you. You deserve good people in your life." Adam said sweetly. Kurt could feel himself getting light because of the sentiment.

"Thank you," he said honestly.

"You're welcome. So, how did your teacher's wedding go?" the older man asked casually. Kurt felt the dread in his stomach again. He had gotten track and forgot about what he'd originally set out to do.

"His fiance left him at the altar. But other than that, it went great. I got to see a lot of old friends."

"Oh, that's rough for your teacher. But, I'm glad you had a good time. Did you talk to Blaine and your brother as well?" Kurt narrowed his eyes. He wondered if Adam was trying to scope out information or if he was just genuinely curious.

"Yes," he answered slowly, hoping that the senior didn't press for any more information.

"Good. You're lucky, you know." He said wistfully. Kurt gave him a curious glance. Adam continued, "Not that many people who start off as best friends end up that way following a painful break-up. It's good that you can talk with no hard feelings. I certainly wish I had that for my first real relationship." Kurt instantly felt guilty. He had debated in his mind for 2 weeks after he came back if he should tell the other man, and this decided that. Adam had been nothing but amazing to him: complimenting him, helping him find his way around the school, supporting him and just being an all-around great friend. He deserved nothing less than the truth.

"Actually, that's what I originally wanted to talk about." He sighed. He met Adam's gaze evenly, and took a few deep breaths. "Me and Blaine did more than just….talking." He pleaded inside that Adam would understand and he wouldn't have to go details.

"So, are you guys back together?" Adam asked quietly. Kurt had to give him credit for having a winning poker face.

"No," Kurt whispered, "It didn't mean anything."

"If you were really looking for a meaningless one night stand-" and Kurt tried not to flinch from the phrase. He'd always looked down on people who did those. He'd found them tasteless and trashy. "-then you could've done it with anybody here. New York is one of the gay capitals." Kurt bristled.

"I'm not gonna have sex with a random stranger," he snapped, "That's tacky."

"Why is it tacky? It's very common among New Yorkers."

"You shouldn't sleep with someone unless you really love them," he sniffed.

"But didn't you just say that your hook-up meant nothing? Wouldn't that technically mean it was just a tacky one night stand?" Kurt gave him a death glare and Adam met it levelly with a cool glance.

"That's not the same thing," he muttered. Adam put his hand on Kurt's shoulder gently.

"Kurt, it's okay to be confused about your feelings. I'm not going to think any less of you."

"There's nothing to be confused about. He cheated on me, I can't trust him, what happened meant nothing, and we're not getting back together." Adam smirked, but Kurt wasn't having it. "I swear to God, if you start singing Taylor Swift, I will burn every single beanie you own." That seemed to lighten the mood, and they both shared an awkward chuckle.

"No, no Taylor Swift today," Adam joked, "I'm afraid I don't have the range. Although, if you really wanted to-"

"No," Kurt deadpanned.

"But listen, Kurt. I'm serious. I won't judge you if you're still in love with him. You were in a stable relationship for over a year. In high school, that's forever."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it." He exhaled. "I'm not gonna lie to you. When we were at the wedding, I thought about it. Getting back together, I mean. He was so sweet and understanding, and it…it reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place." Adam steadily listened, squeezing his hand as he let himself breathe. " I just…stupidly let myself back into our old routine. I was legitimately having fun with it. It was nice to just be next to him like old times. It was when I got back that it became painful." He shuddered. "He was back to the Blaine I knew. The Blaine that came to visit me those months ago to tell me he was with someone else…I don't know who that was. It was like a complete stranger came and took over his body. And it hurt so much, because when I saw him, it was as if nothing happened. But it did. He gave up on us."

He could feel a tear sliding down his cheek. "He gave up on us after 3 weeks. And you have no idea how much that hurt."

"I can imagine," Adam said sympathetically. "So, do you want to be with him?"

Kurt shivered in the chilly night air and felt the tears flowing more steadily. "I don't know," he said brokenly. "All my life, I've always taken the high road to avoid conflict. Everyone at Glee said I was too nice and forgiving. Part of me wants to just jump into his arms and declare my love while the other part of me wants to just…walk away. Is that wrong of me?"

"Not at all. This is a complicated situation and your feelings are completely normal," Adam soothed.

"But who's to say he wouldn't break my heart again? How can I be in a relationship with somebody that I can't trust?" he groaned, running his hands through his air.

"Okay, Kurt, I want to help but I can't make your decisions for him. I will say that in most cases, everybody deserves a second chance, but I will also say that just because he was your first love doesn't mean he has to be your only one. In the end, it's all up to you, though. Either way, you're going to have stop being scared and take a chance." Kurt wiped his tears sheepishly and chuckled.

"You always know exactly what to say," he said fondly, "What's your secret? Are you secretly a robot who's programmed to say perfect things so that you can charm and seduce innocent gay ne'erdowells?"

"No, I just watch a lot of Lifetime," he said solemnly. Kurt gave him an incredulous look and started laughing.

"What?" Adam said indignantly, "I'm serious. Have you seen half those shows? They're golden."

"You're insane. Completely insane. I hope you know that." Kurt tried to bite back his smile.

"Welcome to New York!" He slung his arm around Kurt's shoulders. There were the butterflies again. Adam would make an awesome boyfriend someday, but Kurt needed to make sense of his own feelings first. And even if things didn't work out for the two of them romantically, at least he got an amazing friend out of the deal.

"Like I said before. _Insane," _he said unimpressed, "Oh and also, you need to drop the Lifetime and get a life. You're 22. This is just pathetic."

"I protest. I have a life. Unlike you, I'm actually old enough to get into bars without a fake ID," he bragged.

"Wow," Kurt snarked, "Going to bars when you're 22 and legal. You're so hardcore."

"Okay, fine. You get a choice then. I can drive you home and you can do your oh-so-exciting moisturing routine-" Kurt glared at him, -"or we could end this last date with a bang by allowing me to show you the New York City nightlife."

"How did you know about my moisturizing routine?" he grumbled, heat rushing to his cheeks.

"Rachel was complaining about it yesterday in class. She said you hog up the bathroom," he responded, clearly amused, eyes twinkling.

"Damn," Kurt said overdramatically, "And here I was hoping that no one would ever find out." Adam let out a hearty laugh.

"Alright, nightly routine aside, you still never answered my question. I won't pressure you. You're free to do what you want."

"You know what?" Kurt said huffily, and he broke into a smug grin, "You're on. It's about time I got out of my comfort zone and took a risk for a change."

"Fantastic."

"Just don't make me regret it, Adam Crawford," he ordered in a mock stern voice. Adam pressed a light kiss to his knuckles.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

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_A/N~ That was cute, right? Right? Of course it was. :P Okay, let me a say a few things about the Klaine storyline. _

_My thoughts on this (sorry, not sorry): I like Blaine, but as of right now, he doesn't deserve Kurt and he has some growing up to do before Kurt goes back to him. Now, all you Blaine-stans are probably going to hate me for saying this, but get over it. Blaine CHEATED. That's a big no-no! And yes, technically Kurt did too, but there's a big difference between texting someone who's obviously interested (which Blaine also did. Remember Sebastian? And how he ignored Kurt when Kurt said he didn't like him? I do.) Anyway, there's a big difference between sending a few flirty text messages and having sex with some random dude. And I just really hate the fact that they made Blaine so freaking clingy this season! I mean, seriously? Kurt was gone for 3 WEEKS! and he has a job! He can't talk to you at all hours of the day. It's called patience and compromise. (And masturbation. Yeah, remember what you said in 'The First Time'?) Damn, show writers. Get your shit together. Blaine of season 2 and 3 would have NEVER done that. _

_Here's a message to the Blaine-stans: Blaine is talented and a sweet guy overall. But he's also insecure, immature, and a bit of an attention whore. He's not God Almighty. Just because someone is able to point out his flaws doesn't mean we hate him. I like him enough to where I can take off my rose-colored glasses and acknowledge that he has his moments where you want to smack him. Same with Kurt. Kurt can be a major self-centered bitch. Does it stop me from loving him? Absolutely not. In my mind, it makes them easier to connect with, because they're more human, and less perfect stereotype character. I like Klaine broken up for now because it allows Blaine to get some development beyond "Kurt's boyfriend who gets too many solos". _

_Thank you for being patient and listening to me. I seriously am thinking of reviewing each episode, so I won't end up ranting on here. Oh my god, why am I still typing? _

_Anyhow, _

_Review, please! _


End file.
